# The Utility of Marriage #Well-Being *Last Updated: January, 2026* Marriage is not a destination. It's a crucible. I'm not here to change anyone's mind, just to offer a map of what it might take, and what you might reap in return. Here's the thing: there are no perfect marriages. Even a reasonably content one will demand consistent grind, suffering, and sacrifice. But in that process, you might just discover why it could be worth it. **Grind**, because life changes people. You and your partner will become [[New Versions of Youself|different versions of yourselves]] over time. What once came naturally, the small gestures, the ease of connection, will gradually feel like work. And if one person slacks, the other carries more weight. It compounds. [[Irony in Love|Falling in love]] isn't a one-time event. It's something you'll have to do again. And again. **Suffering**, because when you think you're arguing with your partner, you're actually arguing with reality. Marriage exposes your [[Prisoners of Our Own Biases|biases]] and flaws in ways no other relationship will. The stronger you grip what you *believe* is your [[Identity as the Greatest Self-Deception|identity]], the more you'll suffer. And that brings us to the hardest part. **Sacrifice**, because couples who weather decades together don't do it because they're *part of* the marriage. They do it because they believe they *are* the marriage. It will require both partners to go on multiple soul-searching trips, drawing and redrawing lines of what's fair and what's worth giving up. There are no right answers. It will never be 50-50. And if somehow, two people survive all of this, year after year, conversation after brutal conversation, but still find a way to end with a hug and a kiss? Then you've done something extraordinary. You've changed the shape of your universe. Made it a little less brittle. Not because of what you built together, but because of [[Who Are You Being?|who you became]] through the [[Hardest Thing At and Outside Work|hard work]] of staying.