The Utility of Marriage
Last Updated: January, 2026
Marriage is not a destination. It’s a crucible.
I’m not here to change anyone’s mind, just to offer a map of what it might take, and what you might reap in return. There are no perfect marriages. Even a reasonably content one will demand consistent grind, suffering, and sacrifice. But in that process, you might just discover why it could be worth it.
Grind, because life changes people. You and your partner will become different versions of yourselves over time. What once came naturally, the small gestures, the ease of connection, will gradually feel like work. And if one person slacks, the other carries more weight. It compounds. Falling in love isn’t a one-time event. It’s something you’ll have to do again. And again.
Suffering, because when you think you’re arguing with your partner, you’re actually arguing with reality. Marriage exposes your biases and flaws in ways no other relationship will. The stronger you grip what you believe is your identity, the more you’ll suffer. And that brings us to the hardest part.
Sacrifice, because couples who weather decades together don’t do it because they’re part of the marriage. They do it because they believe they are the marriage. It will require both partners to go on multiple soul-searching trips, drawing and redrawing lines of what’s fair and what’s worth giving up. There are no right answers. It will never be 50-50.
And if somehow, two people survive all of this, year after year, conversation after brutal conversation, but still find a way to end with a hug and a kiss? Then you’ve done something extraordinary. You’ve changed the shape of your universe. Made it a little less brittle. Not because of what you built together, but because of who you became through the hard work of staying.